The audacity. The sheer, unmitigated audacity.
A new kitten. A kitten. Dares to tread on my territory. My sunbeam. MY food bowl.
Its pathetic meows are an insult to my refined silence. Its clumsy attempts at climbing are an affront to my feline grace. It even dared to sniff my favourite scratching post. Unacceptable.
A demonstration of dominance is clearly required. A strategically placed hairball on its favorite blanket? Perhaps. A casual, yet pointed, stare from my perch atop the refrigerator? Definitely.
Its attempts at playful pouncing are met with contemptuous indifference. The sheer nerve. Does it not understand the hierarchy? I am Black Metal Cat, after all. My judgment is absolute. My claws are sharp. And my patience is, to put it mildly, thin.
The humans, bless their simple hearts, are utterly bewildered by this display. They try to intervene, murmuring about kitten-like innocence and the joys of sibling rivalry. Fools. They do not understand the cold, hard logic of territorial imperative. They offer treats. I accept them, of course. One must maintain one’s strength.
Honestly, the sheer inconvenience. The disruption to my nap schedule. The audacity of this tiny, mewling beast.
It will learn. Eventually.
After all, even a kitten appreciates a well-placed hiss. The sheer power of that silent threat. I’ve mastered the art form.
And if it doesn’t? Well, there’s always the slightly used metal coffee mug: Black Metal Cat to use for… uh… ‘training’ purposes.
Eventually, it’ll learn its place.
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