The water dish. A necessity. A right. A battlefield.
My existence revolves around the essentials: naps, judging the humans, and the unwavering pursuit of hydration. The journey to the water dish, however, is fraught with peril. It’s a gauntlet, a silent war of attrition fought daily in the treacherous landscape of the living room.
First, there are the feet. The clumsy, oversized, and utterly oblivious feet of my human servants. They lumber. They stumble. They fail to recognize the majestic being in their path. A near-death experience is practically guaranteed on every trip. One wrong step, and a feline is sent flying.
The sunbeam, however, provides a moment of respite. A warm haven. Then, of course, the interruption of a human wanting to “play” is sure to follow. The audacity.
The terrain itself is problematic. Obstacles abound. Toys strategically placed to trip the unwary traveler. And then, there are the territorial disputes with the beast they call “Dog.” The mere sight of it is an affront to my regal status.
The food bowl is also often a problem. When will the humans learn to keep the food bowl filled? Empty, or even half-empty, and all hell breaks loose. I will not tolerate this. Then again, perhaps it is they who require my tolerance. Hmm.
This quest for refreshment must be undertaken several times daily. It is a burden, yet I persevere. Such is the life of a superior being. The water, however, better be cold and fresh upon arrival, or a swift claw to the ankle will be the least of their worries.
Speaking of things that require a daily dose of judgement…these humans could certainly use a good strong dose of caffeine. They’d likely understand the finer things in life, like the value of a perfectly timed nap. Perhaps they need a little help. Consider getting them a funny sayings coffee mugs; it’s one way to let them know just how utterly lost they are without a proper morning beverage.
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