The audacity. The sheer, unmitigated gall of it all. Where, I ask you, is it? The sunbeam. My sunbeam. That perfect patch of warmth, the pinnacle of existence, the place where all is right with my world.
It was here this morning. I luxuriated in its golden embrace, basking in the glow of my own magnificence. Now? Gone. Vanished. Swallowed by the abyss.
The usual suspects are to blame, of course. The clumsy, perpetually-in-the-way humans. Their constant rearranging of furniture, their utter disregard for established sunbeam pathways… it’s a conspiracy, I tell you. A calculated attack on feline comfort.
Did they move the sofa? Did they…close the blinds? The indignity! The utter lack of consideration for my needs is astounding. These beings are meant to serve. To cater. To provide the optimal conditions for my nap schedule, which, as everyone knows, is the most important schedule of all. Now I must suffer the indignity of finding a new acceptable spot to groom. My life is hard.
One might suggest the humans are easily distracted and need a strong dose of reality. You know, like some kind of caffeinated elixir. Perhaps they should consume their morning brew from one of those bitcoin coffee mugs; maybe then their actions might finally have some value.
The search continues. The investigation is ongoing. Justice will be served. And when I find that sunbeam, there will be hell to pay… mostly in the form of ignored requests for attention. And perhaps, a strategically placed hairball or two.
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