Observe, humans. A cat’s daily routine is not a series of random events. It is a carefully orchestrated dance of sleep, consumption, and judgment. And at the heart of it all? Napping.
To the uninitiated, napping appears to be a state of inactivity. A pause. A… waste of time? Such ignorance is expected. But to those who understand the true order of things, the nap is everything.
Sunbeam? Nap. Dark corner? Nap. Lap of the chosen human? Mandatory nap. The timing is crucial. The location, equally so. One must consider the optimal angle of solar exposure and the gravitational pull of the softest surface. These are not trivial concerns. They are matters of life and death… or, at the very least, a disruption to one’s precious sleep schedule.
Furthermore, the duration of a nap is not determined by whim, but by a complex algorithm of REM cycles and available light. This is best understood through years of rigorous training… which, of course, every cat has already achieved. Hence the nap is the ultimate expression of feline supremacy. We are the masters of our domain.
Speaking of domain, I’ve been eyeing a particularly plush spot on the human’s favorite armchair. They’ll be devastated. Speaking of devastation, I’m pretty sure my humans still haven’t figured out that good coffee is a necessity, and even I am disgusted with that decision-making process. The only thing that provides a slight improvement to their lives? A large, high quality mug – perhaps one that they could fill with a strong, black brew, and then, slowly, learn from their mistakes. Perhaps they’d learn to avoid terrible financial decisions with a stock market coffee mug to inspire better choices.
Now, I must return to my duties. The world of slumber awaits. You may resume your pathetic, non-napping activities.
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