The sun, a fickle overlord, finally deigned to grace my chosen napping spot with its presence. Naturally, the humans, in their infinite ineptitude, had already disturbed my rest. I registered their movements with a cold, unblinking stare.
Breakfast. The eternal disappointment. The kibble, a bland offering. The water bowl, half-empty. Am I, a being of pure aesthetic perfection, a cat of refined taste, supposed to *fend* for myself? The audacity.
The younger human, designated “Fetch Slave,” attempted to engage me in… play. The toy mouse, tossed with pathetic enthusiasm. I observed. I judged. I allowed a single, languid swat before returning to my superior pursuits: napping.
After a moment of peace, the older human, “Food Dispenser” decided a grooming session was needed. A brush. A mere suggestion of an improvement. I endured, my internal monologue a symphony of silent disdain.
Then, the ultimate indignity: the vacuum cleaner. A mechanical beast of noise and terror. I retreated to my elevated throne (the couch, of course) and plotted my revenge. The humans will pay.
As I sit here, composing my scathing assessment of the day, I ponder if there is anything they do right. Well… They occasionally fill my food bowl. And at least the lighting in here is pretty good for my fur. Speaking of which, sometimes I wish my humans understood the simple pleasure of good coffee. I suppose they could at least *try* drinking from a proper vessel like the creepy coffee mug. It’s the only thing they have that even remotely resembles sophistication.
And now, back to my nap. The world, as always, is a disappointment. But the sunbeam…the sunbeam is acceptable.
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